Friday 11 June 2010

Just been to a college parent's evening the other night, and it was brilliant. The college I mean - not the evening. And I know it was brilliant because the Principal told me so. He told me over and over again with statistics and fancy graphics and inspector's reports and quotes from students. He told me so many times and in so many ways that I could not have believed the place was any less than brilliant even if I had wanted to! As you can probably tell - it irked me just ever so slightly!

The trouble is that we are often so much better at complaining than we are at complimenting - don't you think? Apparently a man in a pub tried to get some cigarettes from a machine which blurted out that the man was an idiot and what did he think he was doing. Giving up on the cigarettes he went to a peanut dispenser which told him what a lovely man he was for using it. Seeing his confused expression the barman explained that cigarettes were off tonight but peanuts were complimentary!

Sometimes we get so much into the habit of being "off" with each other that we lose the knack of being complimentary when the opportunity arises. The few times when I have asked to speak to a manager in order to compliment rather than complain they have been absolutely stunned. One time when I asked to speak to the duty manager at our local NHS walk-in centre she was so amazed when I said I wanted to thank the staff for their work she was momentarily stumped for words.

Centuries ago the Apostle Paul told the early followers of Jesus Christ to be careful how they spoke. 'Your speech', he said, 'should be full of grace - like food seasoned with salt for extra flavour'. Good speech, like good food, does not have to be bland and insipid - it should be interesting and full of flavour. However, ensuring once in a while that its flavour is sweet rather than bitter must be a good thing.

I once attended a communications course where one of the early lessons in breaking the ice was that you should "pay a sincere compliment". I nearly died laughing. The moment you are told to pay a compliment with a view to getting the conversation started it is no longer sincere, surely? If you can find something complimentary to say today - do it. But make sure you mean it first!